Don't rock the boat!

There is a culture in our churches and homes of brushing things under the carpet! It’s called ‘keeping the peace.’ If we don’t deal with it in church, then how can we expect people to deal with it in the home!

The bible says, ‘blessed are the peace makers.’ There’s a huge difference between keeping peace and making peace.

God calls us to be peacemakers. He wants us to bring peace to confrontation and conflict. We should speak truth into difficult situations, just as Jesus did. Conflict is an opportunity to bring light to darkness.

“How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along! It’s like costly anointing oil flowing down head and beard, flowing down Aaron’s beard, flowing down the collar of his priestly robes. It’s like the dew on Mount Hermon flowing down the slopes of Zion. Yes, that’s where God commands the blessing, ordains eternal life”. Psalm 133 MSG

Unity attracts God's presence! “It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?”

Gal 5:15 MSG

Unity means getting along, but is it that simple? We can have unity in both good and bad situations. I can be in unity with another person by gossiping and causing strife, or I can be in unity with someone else by building them up and speaking well of them. If I want the presence of God in my life, then I must choose to be a peacemaker.

I grew up in a home where the goal was to “keep the peace”, or “don’t rock the boat.”

As I grew up, I learned the ground rules for peacekeeping. Peacekeepers walk on eggshells so as not to upset anyone; peacekeepers don’t share how they really feel so as not to start an argument; peacekeepers avoid conflict and apologise for things that they haven’t done. Peacekeepers often feel taken advantage of and find their identity in not making waves. Peacekeeping is stressful, which often leads to broken relationships and a lack of trust. Peacekeeping is un-Godly and can be extremely dangerous in certain situations!

We have confused peace making with peacekeeping. A typical belief system for peacekeepers is that we need to take one for the team! If we have been hurt, then pursuing peace is keeping quiet or sharing partial truth.

Passivity is equated with peacekeeping, a thinking that we are doing what is best for the relationship. The byproduct of living like this is resentment, passive aggressiveness and hurt, leading to surface level relationships with no real depth. We often think that we are helping the relationship by keeping the peace, but we are actually fracturing it more.

Some relationships are toxic and not open to peace making and therefore become an unsafe environment. We must use wisdom in what and when to speak. The goal is for unity not for the opportunity to score points!

A peacekeeper can also facilitate and allow others to continue to behave badly. It took me many years to change. It was only when I had to deal with the collapse of a relationship that I realised that I had been peacekeeping rather than peace making. Change is a process that takes time and commitment. For me it involved the healing of hurts, forgiveness and repentance.

Becoming a peacemaker involves being committed to truth, truth about ourselves and others, without being judgemental. It involves having the ability to use your voice to speak the truth in love. When a peacemaker is offended or hurt, they communicate and share their feelings honestly. When they hurt others, they own up to their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. They know that withholding truth will never lead to intimacy.

You may try but you can’t be a peacekeeper even in your relationship with God!

Maybe it’s time to use your voice to bring things into the light. With the right motives, the desire to protect, restore and improve situations and relationships, speak out! You may not always win the popular vote, but doing the right thing at the right time for the right motives is a great expression of God’s love in action.

Peace keeping doesn’t give you peace, it facilitates bad behaviour, fosters an environment, a culture of fear, lies and mistrust. It teaches others to copy those behaviour patterns and the pile under the carpet continues to grow. As the pile grows so does the anger and resentments!

God has given us a voice and will empower us to speak out as and when necessary. Peace makers are often misunderstood and vilified, but we can no longer maintain the status quo in our churches or homes!

This is a journey that starts with a choice to be obedient to God’s word. I don’t always succeed in my efforts to be a peacekeeper, I have gone back to those who I didn't protect as a leader to ask forgiveness for allowing that culture to ride rough shot over them.

I remember that I am on a journey and as long as I stay committed to that journey then I know that I will succeed.

Let the peacemakers arise in the church and the home to establish a new status quo of authenticity, based on love, openness and honesty, grounded in repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation!

A new world order from the very throne room of heaven!